Official Faerûn Institute of Fanfiction
by ElvishNutcase
Summary: A young writer foolishly tries to write a Mary Sue for Drizzt. What happens when the headmistress and the drow themselves get irritated by this and kidnap her? Carrie will have to learn to write or risk never writing fanfiction again. OFUM spin-off.


_In the darkest depths of the Underdark resided the evilest of all races - the Drow. They were the very epitome of evil, save one. Drizzt Do'Urden was his name. From the start he was never like the rest of his race. He was kind, he was caring, and most important of all, he didn't like killing. He had spared the life of a young surface elf. This was not done by any of other of his cruel race. _

_Drizzt Do'Urden was hated by many of his kind. Often during his childhood he was betrayed. He had never like his kind and saw their ways as barbaric. His father was like him, but unlike him, had been weighted down by society and had assimilated. He too took a perverse pleasure in killing people. For some reason, Drizzt still loved him more than any other of his kind. _

_He had been heartbroken over his father's death. Shortly afterwards, he had fled Menzoberranzan, vowing to never again kill anymore of his kind. This vow was to be tested and ultimately broken over the next stage of is life._

Carrie sat back and considered the words on the screen. She had written all she could remember from the books in a few short paragraphs, three to be exact. Now she needed to come up with a proper heroine. She pulled up Google and typed in Drow Name Generator. After a bit of searching she found one.

_Jhaelrae Hlaath was the firstborn daughter of House Hlaath, 3rd Ruling House of Menzoberranzan. Her house was well known both for their powers inn Dragon Magic and for their ruling Matron Mother Zaracyle, who was the most powerful Dragon-Seer in all of Menzoberranzan. Jhaelrae was following in her mother's footsteps, and had been gifted with powers of the mind. She was able to read other's thoughts. _

_Jhaelrae had had a crush on Drizzt since she had first gazed upon him at the Academy. At the graduation ceremony, she had started to approach the young male, but alas, his sister Vierna had beat her to him. Minutes later, he had fled the scene. Jhaelrae had been heart-broken. Shortly afterwards, she had learned that he was on Scouting duty outside the city. Again she had tried to approach him, again she had failed. She was getting desperate. She had found a small measure of comfort in the infamous Jarlaxel's arms, but she still longed for Drizzt. _

"Carrie!" her mother shouted from across the hall. "Could you come here for a minute?"

"Not again." Carrie muttered with exasperation before saving the two paragraphs she had written so far. "Coming!" she hollered as she trotted out to see what her mother wanted.

Several minutes later, she returned to her room and her computer, having assured her mother that yes, she had indeed loaded and started the dishwasher.

_Jhaelrae was beautiful, even by Drow standards. Long, wavy tresses flowed down her back and ended just above her waist. Honey-colored eyes blinked from beneath beautifully sculpted white eyebrows. She was clothed in a light armor, which clung to her in all the right places, revealing large breasts, a tiny waist, and a small butt_

_Jhaelrae skirted around a few gnomes, a handful of dwarves, and a couple of goblins. So intent was she on her goal, she did not even notice when a dwarf ran into her. Outside the city she went._

_"Jarlaxle, my love." She purred as soon as she saw the rogue Drow._

_"Jhaelrae ." He intoned in reply. "What brings you outside the city?"_

_"News of Drizzt, of course." Jhaelrae replied with a girlish giggle._

_"What are you willing to pay for this news?" Jarlsxle questioned seriously._

______

Ariel was currently seated in a comfy chair in her corner of the staff wing. Unfortunately, her office was a bit messy after a major influx of Mini Hook Horrors had taken residence there. Until they got the room straightened, she was forced to do all her work in the Staff Common Room.

The Institute would be opening its doors soon. Many of the Drow were anxious over this. They did not want a bunch of teenage girls from another world invading their home. On the other hand, they also didn't like said teenage girls writing them wrong.

"We've got another one." Remarked Liriel as she stared at the computer screen.

"What kind of story is it?" Ariel asked, coming over to peer over her shoulder.

"Mary Sue." Liriel replied. "She's in love with Drizzt, sleeping with Jarlaxle, and if the girl's other stories are anything to go by, she ends up sleeping with Artemis after forsaking her homeland. Seems to have fairly good grammar, and she appears to either know how to spell or uses spellcheck a bit."

Ariel whistled. "All of her stories are like that?" She questioned.

Liriel nodded. "Different characters of different stations, but the ending is usually the same. Drizzt and the Sue hook up and Artemis and Jarlaxle find love in each other."

Ariel winced slightly at that. "Hop up a minute would you?" she ordered. Liriel stood up and gave her the seat. Ariel sat down and read what little the teenager had written. She paused for a moment, "Go find the mini named Jarlsxle and bring him here." She instructed. Liriel nodded and left in search of the mini

Ariel whistled again. Thoughtfully, she typed a sentence in.

____

**You really do not want to finish this conversation, this chapter, or even this fiction.**

Carrie frowned. Had she actually written that? She didn't remember writing that. After a minute of staring at the screen, she chalked it up as too much caffeine. After a moment, she highlighted the words and deleted them.

_"Anything." She replied with a bat of her eyelashes._

_"I have just the thing." Jaelaxle replied with a gleam in his eyes._

______

Ariel sighed in disgust as she stared at the screen. "Lovely." She muttered darkly, "She's created another mini."

"What's its name?" Gromph asked as he entered the staff wing with a large stack of papers. They were registration forms that had been picked up by the Agent Drow that had been sent out earlier.

"Jaelaxle." Ariel replied glaring at the words that kept appearing on the screen, "Do these girls never invest in spellcheck?" She rhetorically asked. Gromph answered anyway.

"Would we have an Institute if they did?" He asked as he set the stack of papers on her desk. Ariel nodded her head.

"Good spelling does not have anything to do with Mary Sue's, but it'd make reading these monstrosities a lot easier." She muttered darkly.

"Shall I call in an Agent?" He asked as he settled down in an armchair.

"Might as well." Ariel replied with a snort. She typed in a few words, maybe the Suethor would have a heart attack and they wouldn't have to accept her in.

____

**Stop writing this monstrosity of a fiction.**

Carrie blinked in puzzlement. _I didn't type that!_ she thought. _I know I didn't!_ She didn't get a chance to respond because almost immediately more words appeared on her screen.

**We mean it. Stop writing this fiction, or we shall be forced to take drastic measures.**

Carrie stared at the screen in bewilderment, and quite a bit of fear. Was her computer demon-possessed? Did she dare type anymore on it? She snapped out of her thoughts and dug around the piles of junk on her desk until she found what she was looking for - her jump drive.

She plugged it into her computer and saved the file on to the jump drive. After of course she had deleted a few other files of half-finished stories on it. Then she unplugged it, snapped it onto her keychain and shoved it into her pocket.

"Mom, I'm going to the library!" She hollered before dashing out the door. Minutes later, she arrived at the library panting and wishing she hadn't visited Starbucks quite so often.

She signed in on the sign-up sheet and settled down at a computer. Minutes later she was happily staring at her latest story.

_Jarlaxle led her around to his tent._

**This much smut can't be good for you. Kindly stop writing this fanfiction. This is your last warning. An agent will be with you shortly. Please cease writing anymore of this monstrosity.**

Carrie's scream could be heard for miles around. Hours later, Carrie was seated in front of her own computer, convinced that her story had somehow picked up a virus or something. Which was a shame, it was a good story. With a sigh, she started typing. It hadn't actually done anything, just threatened her a bit. Her rational part tried to rationalize all this.

_Jarlaxle_

With a loud explosion, her computer, well, exploded. A moment later, her mother entered with a concerned expression on her face.

"What happened?" Her mother asked as she walked in. Her gaze fell upon the remains of the computer.

"A virus." Carrie muttered embarrassed.

An hour later, they had picked up the remains of her computer. Carrie sighed and plopped down on her bed. Now that the shock had worn off, she was a bit depressed. It had been a good computer after all. Suddenly, the lights blinked off, and two sets of glowing red eyes appeared.

"You are Catherine Green?" one set of eyes asked

"Who're you?" Catherine asked fearfully.

"Just answer the question." The other set of eyes snapped.

"Yes, I'm Catherine Green." Carrie replied.

"Good. We've been instructed to present you with this. Fill it out, and it will be picked up along with you tomorrow." The first set of eyes said briskly. The came closer and something smacked her upside the head.

"What if I don't want to fill them out." She asked in what she hoped was a brave sounding voice. It came out more of a terrified squeak.

Evil laughter filled the room. "The policy is in your pamphlet. Needless to say, it is in your best interest to fill it out." The second set of eyes said evilly.

As suddenly as the lights had went off, they came back on. The two were still there. "Damn." One muttered darkly as he fiddled with a strange device.

"What's wrong." Asked the other who was also leaning over it.

"Damn batteries ran down." The first muttered. They glanced at Carrie who stared at them in horrified fascination.

"You're Drow." she breathed. She felt like she was going to pull a fangirl swoon.

"Tell us something we don't know." Number two retorted. He looked at the other one. "Do you think we should leave a witness alive?" He asked.

Number one shrugged, "They'll all be learning about us soon enough." He said, completely missing the point.

Number two snorted in disgust. "Fill that out." He ordered her. With that, the two walked out.

Carrie blinked in wonder. She noticed the objects lying on her bed. One looked like a small pamphlet. The other appeared to be a large order form.

She picked up the pamphlet and began perusing it.

**You have been invited (ordered) to attend the Official Faerûn Institute of FanFiction.**

**All students must attend the Institute in order to gain their practitioner license. Dropouts are fair game for any passing Drow.**

**It is imperative that you fill out the forms and choose to attend. Failure to fill the form out/refusal of admittance will result in 1.) You will never be able to write Forgotten Realms fanfiction. And 2.) You are fair game to any passing Drow.**

**There are a set of rules that are to be followed to the letter. Believe me, the consequences to disobeying them are beyond your imaginations.**

**1.) Thou shalt not stampede or glomp canon characters. (Original characters, Mary Sues, and students are fair game)**

**2.) Thou shalt not create Mary Sues.**

**3.) Thou shalt use Spellcheck at all times.**

**4.) Thou shalt check thy grammar.**

**5.) Thou shalt not speak in Shakespearian.**

**6.) Thou shalt not venture into the Staff Section.**

**7.) Thou shalt capitalize the first letters of Staff and Section at all times.**

**8.) Thou shalt not create any Mini Hook Horrors.**

**9.) Thou shalt not write fanfiction until thy license is gained.**

**10.) Thou shalt not wear make up or dresses to entice the canon characters.**

**11.) Thou shalt always obey Miss Ariel or thou shalt find thyself feeding the mini Hook Horrors.**

**12.) Thou shalt remember the slogan: Learning through Pain.**

Carrie frowned as she read this. She couldn't understand half of it because of the Old English spelling. _Wait a minute!_ She thought, _Doesn't rule 5 state that we can't speak in Shakespearian? Why then is all this in Shakespearian?_ She mentally shrugged and opened up the large order form.

_Name:_ Catherine (Carrie) Green

_Age:_ 16

_Gender:_ girl

_Species:_ Drow elf

_Lust Object(s):_ Jaraxle, Artemis, Drizzt

_Why:_ Cause they sound so hot!!!

_Inclinement:_ Good/Evil/Neutral

_How many Times have you read the books by the good author RA Salvatore:_ 1

_Do you write slash:_ yes/no

_Have you ever considered writing slash: _yes/no

_What stories have you written:_ Love of an Elf, Drow Trinkets, The Drow's Love, Love and Laughter, Prince of Mezoberranzan

_Did your computer blow up:_ yes/no

After finishing up the last of the questions, Carrie yawned widely and lay down. She'd only meant to close her eyes for a moment, but soon she was fast asleep.

When next she woke up, she found herself strapped rather haphazardly on to a lizard that was running along the side of a cavern. All around her several other girls, (and a few guys) woke up. Pretty soon, they were all screaming in harmony.

Up ahead of them loomed Arach Tinilith, the Drow Priestess Academy.

"Up ahead, we have your new home for the next several years." One of the Drow riding a lizard announced. Whispers met his announcements.

"Did he say years?"

"I think he did."

"I can't stay here years!"

"Years?!"

"Cool, I'm gonna miss my Math test next week."

"Of course," he continued, "I think you will find, when you return, that time in your world has been at a complete standstill. Not a second will have passed." More whispers greeted this.

"Damn, I still have that math test."

"Whew, I didn't want to miss that concert next month."

Thank god, my parents would've been worried sick."

"Can I stay here forever?"

"Welcome to Arach Tinilith." The Drow announced. "Everybody dismount." There was a bit of struggling as everybody tried undo the ropes strapped around them. One by one, they gave up.

Andzrel Baenre grinned evilly. "Well, hurry it up." He snapped feigning irritation, "We haven't got all day."

"We don't know how." One girl said. "I have no idea what some of these knots are."

Another girl meanwhile had managed to get loose of the ropes. Coincidentally, she had put a Drow down as her race. Perhaps that had something to do with it. Another couple of Drow got loose and together the three began setting the remaining group free.

"I am Andzrel Baenre." Andzrel introduced himself. "For the moment, I am stuck as your tour guide. Follow me." He ordered as he led them up the path to the Acad- er Institute.

Carrie stared in wonderment around her as they entered. Drow could be seen conversing in small groups and staring haughtily at the one's coming in. Carrie grinned to herself; she was quite pleased that she had chosen a dark elf as her race since it appeared she was one.

A girl was standing beside her, drinking it all in. She spotted Carrie looking at her. "Hello!" She said brightly. "My name's Ariel, what's yours?"

"Jhaelrae Hlaath." Carrie said after a moment's thought.

Ariel frowned. "No way is your name that." She stated as they walked along. "Seriously what is your name?"

"I told you, Jhaelrae Hlaath!" Carrie snapped suddenly, which was completely out of character for her.

"All right." Ariel muttered. "Jeez, you don't have to be so rude about it. Say, how'd you get here."

"I demanded to join." Carrie said immediately.

"Quite the liar aren't you." A nasty voice interrupted to her right. A Drow glared at her. "None of you demanded to join. All of you are disgusting Sue writer's."

"Except me." Ariel piped up a moment after he finished.

"Including you." He retorted angrily.

"No." Ariel shook her head. "I'm a parody writer. I don't write serious fanfic, at least not for this fandom." Ariel explained. "Who are you, anyway?"

"Dinin." He said shortly.

"Gather 'round!" A loud voice commanded. Both students turned to a podium in the center of the hall.

"I am the deputy headmistress." The woman introduced herself. "I am the one that personally picked each and every one of you horrible pathetic excuse for writer's. My goal is to teach you miserable maggots how to write good fanfic about this fandom in four short years."

Ariel paled slightly. "Oh crap." She muttered. "I have a Chemistry test on Tuesday."

I added a bit to it. Yes, I know. Ariel is in here twice. Keep reading to find out why she's in here twice. I'll try to update soon. I know I haven't in awhile, but I promise that won't happen again. So, how is it? As always, Constructive Criticism is quite welcome. Flames will be used to keep my toes toasty in this nasty weather.


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